What I’ve been longing to do for some time now is to go out into nature where the only company present is the trees, the animals, the sky and my own self. Life has its way of moving so fast. A part of me feels that 2018 began not too long ago, yet here we are at the end of another year. Especially when I am in school I feel that the clock turns faster. And December always seems to go by in a blur as classes end and finals hit and Christmas arrives bringing a warm, joyful- and quite often hectic- atmosphere with our families and loved ones.
So I had to get away. Without too much time to travel far, I found a perfect place to hike fairly close to my home. It’s called Elk Island National Park. It has been many, many years since I’ve been, and for sure I never came in the middle of winter! I arrived as early as I could and began my trek through the snow-covered forest. Almost right away I spotted a family of elk running in the distance. And not long after that I came across two small herds of bison in these large meadows surrounded by walls of trees. And out of the silence twice I heard the howls of coyotes- or could they have been wolves?- which was beautiful and chilling to hear. But that silence, that was the most amazing part. Whenever I stopped walking I became fully aware of the stillness around me.
I was really enjoying the nature around me, but I wasn’t there only to lose myself in nature. In fact I was trying to find myself or, rather, to find myself a fresh determination for the new year.
What happened next I guess I should be grateful for, because what better way is there to get serious and to sharpen the mind then to feel some pain and discomfort. Less than halfway into the 12 km loop my knee started hurting, again. I injured it this summer while doing some hill-running. I thought I had fully recovered, but then again I spent most of my time off my feet these past four months, so I probably never gave it a strong reason to act up again. Most of the time it was a dull pain. However, walking on the trail that was a combination of packed and untouched snow, I sometimes put the wrong pressure on my knee and the pain would become a sharp one. My pace was slowed considerably and I found myself enjoying this hike a lot less.
Like I said though, this discomfort, and now my feeling of being rather irritated, helped me to focus my mind and to be serious about coming to a resolution. One of the first thoughts I had was that this hike was a good metaphor for my experiences this year. Here’s how.
A good friend of mine reassured me recently that the second year of university is the time when many people wonder if their choice of major was a mistake. Of course he was sharing this with me because I was having that exact struggle. I guess the second year simply lacks the thrill of a new beginning that comes with the first year. But as well it could be largely due to the fact that everything seemed harder. No, not seemed. Was harder. On another level of difficulty and barely-manageable quantity.
Then there was this blog. I’m sorry to admit I lost quite a lot of enthusiasm for it. As some of you may have been able to tell, at some point I began to do the minimum of one post per month, and I’d usually do it right before the month’s end. Just look at what day I’m posting this one. But I understand why that is.
I’m not sure if I shared this yet, but I felt so much joy actively seeking for the lessons in each day or week early on in the year, when I was writing strictly every two weeks. I felt I was really searching and it was really cool to see how much could come to mind when I was open to receive. There came a point where I was having so many new ideas and inspirations of what to write, that I thought I could easily write for the rest of the year, even beyond. But then I stopped writing every two weeks. And I stopped searching as much in each day and in each week for what was the lesson or new inspiration. Over the summer I became “too busy”, and that mentality followed me into my last semester.
Now to bring it back to the hike and the point I was making. I thought the simple, yet important message in my painful hike was that there will be some sort of pain and discomfort on our journey. We may start it inspired and determined, but slowly the obstacles and excuses often seem to grow bigger than our inspiration and our determination. We lose sight of our purpose and the vision of what we were striving for when things get hard.
I know my personal experience while hiking isn’t a perfect representation of this, but it did at least implant this message into my brain. And caused me to consider once again what it is that we can do when we don’t feel strong enough or ready enough for the obstacles and fears in our way.
We have to go back to our vision. And it is important that it is indeed your vision and not someone else’s that you’re pursuing. When I got really real with myself, I found that my vision wasn’t especially grandeur. In the end of the day, I simply want meaningful relationships. I want relationships with my friends, family and others that are honest and that have genuine love and care at the center. I want a beautiful family in the future that people can feel inspired and empowered by. What I envision is myself trusted by my friends and loved ones that they can rely on me if they need me. That we can sit down and have a conversation where the really important and deep issues can be discussed, and we can together find ways to breakthrough.
Next we have to assess where we are at currently. To put it briefly, I am someone that likes to meet and connect with people, however I fear letting people get too close to me. In one way it is a comfortable way to live; if people don’t really know my dreams, struggles, situations, etc. no one has to keep me accountable to be proactive and I don’t need to do the same for others. However, it is also a lonely way to live. Over the years I’ve slowly begun to expand my comfort zone and experience the joy of being known and of knowing others. It is only at this point of honesty, openness, and sincerity that we can experience true platonic love.
Then we have to choose actions that will get us there. And this includes letting go of actions that are not leading us in that direction. I want to maintain the mindset that through asking thoughtful questions and sharing my experiences I am giving. This year I will choose to make regular meetings/calls with friends and acquaintances, and try to learn about their everyday life and to invite them into mine. I will let go of hiding certain aspects of my life, by making it a habit to be honest first with myself, then with people I trust, and then with those around me.
And we continue to cycle through these steps again and again and again until our vision really has become our reality.
I’m really grateful for 2018. There have been some really incredible blessings. And I’m really grateful for this chance I’ve had to blog. I want to thank all of you who’ve read my content and offered encouraging words to me throughout the year. It was very empowering to hear you gained something from what I had to share.
I plan on continuing writing. But just not right away. Right now I want to grow and develop relationships more than my readership. I want to prioritize sharing with people on a more personal level. Because that is in-line with my vision. So until next time…
Go ahead and take a step in trying something new, that one thing you really want to do that is aligned with your vision. You’ve got this. :)
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