The killer of love in our generation

Let’s cut right to the chase: I’m going to be talking about porn. Now before you decide this article isn’t going to be for you, I want you to consider something. We all want to live in a world where we can be happy, living in peace and harmony with those around us. Right? We may experience that to a certain degree in our individual lives but when we take a look at the world on a daily basis we hear stories of misfortune, violence and confusion on social media. Usually though our own lives are filled with enough of those things that we don’t have the time or space to really be concerned with the problems of others. We find conflict right around us in our communities and amongst our families, and we find it within ourselves. But thank goodness we have things to distract ourselves with right? To numb us from the pain and stress we experience…but only until the moment passes, or the drug wears off, or the relationship ends, and we are left with the sad reality that we are still as lost or stuck as we were before.

Of the many issues out there I have come to learn that the pornography industry is one of the most critical ones. It ties directly into what I mentioned above. It may seem to be a harmless pastime, a choice that an individual should be free to make. However, in the last decade there has been much research into the effects of pornography on our health and culture, and there is growing need for concern. It has been found to cause breakdown in marriage, health issues such as erectile dysfunction in men, and has played a role in sex trafficking, child exploitation, and sexual violence. These are very serious issues.

If that sounds extreme or untrue, just think about the message pornography is giving as a whole: that we human beings are mere objects that should be used for pleasure. “At its core modern pornography is an industry. It is about the commodification of bodies for revenue.”* An industry with this purpose will go to any lengths, without concern for the consequences, to increase its viewers and gain a profit.

Why should you care?

Maybe you’ve never watched porn in your life. Maybe you do and you feel that there is nothing wrong with that. Either way, I hope that this article can help raise awareness of this problem and to hopefully peak your interest to learn about this issue and to look for help if you are trying to fight this. I am not the most qualified person to talk about this but I do feel very strongly about this topic. Most importantly I’d like to mention that I’m not trying to condemn people here. What I have learned, and what I hope you can begin to see, is that a small habit of watching porn can quickly evolve into a full-on addiction, and so it carries with it a very heavy weight. In order to find a solution we have to move away from a culture of shaming and hiding, and face this as a community with love, truth and accountability.

“Sex and porn addictions are realities, and just as with alcoholism or drug addiction, the label “addict” does not excuse a person for his or her actions. Addiction is slavery, to be sure, but it is chosen slavery. Addicts find freedom not by denying the power that porn has over them, not by denying that their addiction is real, but by admitting it to others and asking for help.”*

You can find many articles explaining how porn, like drugs and gambling, is addictive. Simply speaking though, porn gives your brain a rush through the excitement of novelty- there’s an endless sea of content out there nowadays. It is this rush or high that our brain becomes addicted to, and what comes with addiction is a build-up in tolerance which means the next time you will need greater quantities and extremes. As well there are symptoms of withdrawal that comes with it when you are away from it. Therefore, even if you want to quit, you won’t be able to on your own. And that leads to a whole cycle of self-hate and hopelessness. As I said earlier, there are well-written articles out there with very clear scientific explanations to prove this point that I encourage you to read.

One of the most serious statistics out there is the average age of which people begin watching porn. It is 11 years old. These are the kids that are growing up with a much earlier exposure to the internet than many of us were through smartphones and tablets, and so they are extremely susceptible to come across pornography. There are even claims that the pornography industry is directly targeting children; if you get them hooked at that age, you will have a consumer of your product their whole life. What is scary to imagine is the psychological effects this would have on young, developing minds. It would twist the way they see and treat themselves and others, especially of the opposite sex. In a world where the merit of marriage is already in question, it’s concerning to think what the state of future relationships and families will be as this generation of youth grow up surrounded by the culture of porn and hypersexuality expressed in the media. For this fact alone we should all take it seriously to understand the threat of porn and how to protect our future children and loved ones from it.

Let us not forget those who are victimized in our pursuit for a lavish lifestyle. Recently I watched a documentary on the drug cartel. There is incredible violence occuring in Mexico right now as the different cartels and gangs fight to gain control of the drug trade. Of course, the greatest casualties are the innocent people who are caught in the crossfire of this war. There are quite a few similarities that can be drawn between the illegal drug industry and the pornography industry. In both cases it is easy to feel as a consumer that you’re choice only affects you. However, it is often ignored that there are thousands of people being harmed behind the scenes. There are very sad accounts written of the personal experiences of porn actresses and actors in which they were tricked, abused, and threatened. That is putting it very lightly. And then there are the numerous testimonies of the people who had their porn addiction destroy their marriage, cause them to lose their jobs, push them into deep depression and despair, etc.

A conclusion that can be made from the famous “war on drugs” back in the 70’s is that you cannot hope to win by going for the supplier. If there is a demand, someone will find a way to supply. The same is true about pornography. That is why each one of us, each one of our complete separations from porn and related activities, is the key. We need to tackle the demand.

What can we do?

We have to educate ourselves. There are many great resources out there to learn more, including:

• fightthenewdrug.org
• endsexualexploitation.org
• yourbrainonporn.com
• highnoon.org
• “The Porn Myth” by Matt Fradd *(The quotes in this article are from this book)

In these resources, you can find much more information and also ways to find freedom from a porn addiction. If you are someone struggling with this issue don’t wait any longer. Find help. In order to find a solution we have to move away from a culture of shaming and hiding, and face this as a community with love, truth and accountability. I am sharing this again because it is crucial we understand that addiction is fueled in secrecy and conquered in a community. Most importantly, never be discouraged by the lack of progress you make or the “failures” you have had. The greatest warriors and change-makers in history knew very well the taste of defeat, but what they did was never give up until they were victorious.

Let us all move forward with this determination. Not only with the mentality to cut out the bad from this world and our lives, but to replace it with the good. The way to a peaceful world is the emergence of families centered on true love. And in order to have those we first have to be men and women that resonate with true love and live lives where there are no shadows.